There’s something about the way we fight. Something about how we swing, or how we attack. It’s something different than war. It’s different from chaotic battle. We might be blind as we strike at each other. But we don’t need to see.
The air seems to explode and ripple with power every time our blades clash together, ringing clarion every time they meet. Sparks fly into the air, and gusts of wind tear through our hair.
We don’t need to see while we battle. Because this isn’t a battle with blades. It’s a battle of the heart. Our bodies move, and our swords follow, but what we really attack with is our minds. Our hearts. Our souls.
Why do we feel alive when we fight? Why do we feel alive at the times when we’re closest to death? Is it just the excitement? Is it just the emotion? I wish I knew the answer. I don’t want to be a killer. I don’t want to exact supremacy over another human. That’s not what this is about. That’s not what I want this to be about.
But something about fighting with my emotions, letting them guide and direct me…why does that feel so right? Why is there something beautiful about the way I attack and destroy? Why do I feel alive when I’m fighting a battle to the death?
Maybe…maybe it’s because, if I didn’t feel alive, I would lose. I would just die. We’d all die.
Or maybe there is something beautiful about destroying. About fighting to the end.
But maybe the person we should be fighting against isn’t another human. Maybe other humans aren’t the enemy. Maybe they were never the enemy. Maybe the person we need to be fighting against is ourselves. Maybe there’s something beautiful about that; destroying what needs to be destroyed within ourselves. Maybe that’s why we love fighting. Maybe that’s why we think it beautiful. We just need to realize where the fighting belongs. We need to realize that fighting is for purification. That unless we defeat the evil in ourselves, then evil in this world will prevail. It’s still a fight to the death. It’s still exciting. It’s still beautiful.
It’s still a clash of the heart.
It’s a question I often find myself asking: why do we find the action (aka the violence) in certain books, movies, anime, etc. to be so fascinating and exciting? Why do we “enjoy” it when two characters are killing each other? I mean, if you think about it, that’s pretty twisted. I’m extremely guilty of it.
However, I do believe that we naturally perceive the beauty of it all for a reason.
I forget which saint (or maybe it was a modern Catholic author) said it, but he described the Holy Spirit as One Who Destroys. That’s why one of the symbols for the Holy Spirit is fire…fire destroys things. We usually use fire to burn away whatever things are useless to us. In the same way, the Holy Spirit destroys-literally burns away-the impurities within us. He helps us to win that interior battle.
I’m still working out the logic of it all 🙂