Tagged: art

Angst

stressed-out-writer

Keep the fan going cause it’s quiet

Wear my hoodie even though it’s hot

I was told to write songs so I’ve tried it

Anxiety’s ruthless so I’ll give it a shot

I’m punching at the keys and scratching with a pen

So fast so furious, trying to defend

Myself, and the world from my emotions

Sick of playing the game and going through the motions

Don’t know if I can conquer my depression

It’s hard to conquer when it’s really my obsession

Now I know a thing or two about repression

Don’t try to force this on me though, believe me I’ve learned my lesson

Now I’m trying to make sense and come back strong

That’s why I’m sitting here and writing this song

Supposed to be studying, yeah but I wouldn’t call this slacking

If I don’t do this, some part of me’s gonna be lacking

Forget focus, forget good use of my time

I’m sitting here trying to think of how to rhyme

Yeah I’m rhyming away my problems just to get something out

This writing is internal screaming, external would be a shout

Run my hands through my hair so much I’m looking kinda crazy

Shaking my head, drumming my legs, my thoughts are kinda hazy

I’m trying to do what I should, don’t write me off as lazy

But I didn’t ask for these thoughts to invade my mind and haze me

You see that’s really what it is, it’s a form of abuse

The kind that comes from within, the kind I can’t refute

Because I live with this abuse, and though I hate it, it’s the norm

You wouldn’t recognize it even though it takes different forms

And though this pain is really haunting I think I get by okay

I keep my cool and fold my hands and pray my thoughts away

And when I’m down you know that my baby is there

Baby I can’t tell you how much it means to know that you care

And so I’m fighting this all with all the strength I got

Heaven’s through the narrow gate but hell is awfully hot

And you know me and heat don’t mix well, you know I’m bound to blush

But I also got this inner fire, keep it secret so hush hush

But I can’t deny that it comes out every once and a while

That’s why I’m sitting here writing away, rap-style

And you better feel honored to be hearing my thoughts

Don’t come to close though, you know it’s gonna get hot

 

Just tell me, who do you think that I am?

I’m just trying to please y’all, trying to be a man

Now I know that you think that there’s something wrong inside

You’re always treating me as if I’m trying to hide

Some sorta evil, yeah, something ill-intentioned

You act like I’m a monster, and I’m just good at retention

Foaming at the mouth, lust running through my brain

You think I’m all about sex, and I only cause the world pain

Every time I look at women it’s only for the sake of use

My nature isn’t to love, yeah, it’s only to abuse

Now I didn’t decide all these things, you decided them for me

This is YOUR concept of manhood, the real one’ll be gone shortly

So tell me, how you think anyone can be a man

When all you do is sit around and mess with Divinity’s plans?

 

I got enough to deal with, my own flaws beating me down

Now you come along with your vision and kick me to the ground

Thanks for killing chivalry, thanks for killing what could be

The more you stomp on manhood’s throat, the less I can be me

It’s already hard enough to live with purpose,

I fight through life hoping that it’s worth it

I’m fighting for God, fighting for me,

Fighting for Elia, (my wonderful girl, my baby)

But the battle isn’t always easy with anxiety clawing at my face

Life is full of drama, here we go, now begins the race

Pick up your feet and run, yeah, and try to survive

I thought college was supposed to be fun; it feels like I came here to die

Maybe that’s what I should do, cause after all I’m a MAN

And men are worthless creatures, they don’t fit in God’s plan

Manhood isn’t allowed, it’s replaced with “equality”

And so on top of my depression, I’m forced with receptivity

Of all this trash that gets shoved down my throat

You keep pushing this stuff down, Imma keel over and choke

Gotta watch my mouth as if the media were watching

Everything I say will be used against me; quit stalking!

But I can’t even speak up for myself, cause apparently I don’t deserve to

You take a knife of bigotry and run me right through

So now I’m bleeding out, and depression makes it flow even stronger

You want me to think life isn’t worth living?  Well, try harder

 

Just tell me, who do you think that I am?

I’m just trying to please y’all, trying to be a man

Now I know that you think that there’s something wrong inside

You’re always treating me as if I’m trying to hide

Some sorta evil, yeah, something ill-intentioned

You act like I’m a monster, and I’m just good at retention

Foaming at the mouth, lust running through my brain

You think I’m all about sex, and I only cause the world pain

Every time I look at women it’s only for the sake of use

My nature isn’t to love, yeah, it’s only to abuse

Now I didn’t decide all these things, you decided them for me

This is YOUR concept of manhood, the real one’ll be gone shortly

So tell me, how you think anyone can be a man

When all you do is sit around and mess with Divinity’s plans?

 

I’ve got drive now you see, and I’m dropping bars so heavy

You’ve got me all mad now, better get ready

You see baby and anger make a unique passion

I’m a bad-boy lover, and I like the new fashion

Heaven burns in her eyes, filling me with fire and light

I take her hand and lift her chin, I’m ready to fight

The more you threaten my manhood, the more you threaten her

And that’s not okay with me, it’s something I won’t stand for

Because the more you destroy manhood, the more you destroy the world

And I won’t stand for that; not-aw, cause of her

And depression can take a walk, yeah, you’re getting in the way

I’m gonna love her so much, I’m always gonna stay

By her side, all right?  Not gonna play nice

She is the fire in my blood, her and grace will suffice

These are all that I need to focus and use this angst for good

Not gonna listen to you, world, you don’t know what I should

Do with my life, or who I should be

You talk pretty loud, it’s really discouraging

But I’ll cover my ears, yeah, I’ll rip my ears off

Rip out the voices of my mind and the world, gonna make em stop

I feel so judged, but I’ll take it and be proud

You haters can talk, I kinda like it loud

Imma stand up strong, now that I’ve found my drive

And I’ll look in Elia’s eyes, and remember why I’m alive

 

God, thank you for Elia, and for Your grace too

I can’t even wonder what I’d do without You

Keep me going, all right?  Don’t let me or them get me

Keep me alive, if only for my baby

Cause I need You, and I need her

Don’t ever let me forget what I’m living for

Yeah

 

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Iris

Image result for pic of an iris

Yeah

I hope that you, yeah, feel me somehow

Sometimes what I wanna say, yeah, I just can’t figure out

Closest to heaven, yeah, that I’ll ever be

The only thing I want, yeah, is to give you all of me

Don’t wanna go home, yeah, right now, right now,

My heart and my mind, yeah, keep going “wow, just wow”

Cause this moment, yeah, is all that I taste

Every second I spend with you, yeah, is never a waste

Cause all I’m breathing, yeah, is your life

Everything about you, yeah, is too nice, too nice

But I know sooner or later, yeah, it ends

But I can’t help see life, yeah, through a different lens

Gonna see you, yeah, tonight, yeah tonight

No, everything, yeah, is gonna be alright

 

Chorus

Cause you know the world don’t see me

Don’t think they can

But I know you do, I know you understand

When every part of me is broken,

You always know who I am

You’re the most beautiful part of my life

Yeah, praying this is all God’s plan

 

Cause you can’t fight Truth, yeah, you know he’s coming

I love seeing you, yeah, becoming what you’re becoming

And you’re full of that Truth, yeah, no lies, no lies

So pure, yeah, so real, you don’t need no disguise

You’re so amazing, yeah, you’re better than the movies

I thank God every day, yeah, for the way that you choose me

And I’m bleeding, yeah, just to know I’m alive

Life’s so good, yeah, I thought I already died

 

Chorus

Cause you know the world don’t see me

Don’t think they can

But I know you do, I know you understand

When every part of me is broken,

You always know who I am

You’re the most beautiful part of my life

Yeah, praying this is all God’s plan


^ For Elia…

Takes My Breath Away

Image result for pic of taking a mask off

Congrats yeah, you made it

Hard work yeah, it paid it

Smarts yeah, you display it

If not, then you fake it

Make life or break life

Everything you do just seems right

But I know that’s not what’s true

I see the things that you do

And the mask you wear

Your disguise

Nobody can look you

In the eyes

Eyes are the window

to the soul

But if you look through

It’s just a hole

But I know that something’s there

No I really do, I swear

But if you cling to that mask,

I promise it won’t disappear

No

So listen

To the verses

Of my heart

As it curses

Duplicity

And falsity

Yeah the lies we hide behind

Put on a fake face

Smile

Even though we’re dead inside our mind

We try to be real

But the problem is we don’t know how that FEELS

No…

 

CHORUS

It takes my breath away

The things that you never say

The chances you’ll never take

But who am I to talk anyway?

Yeah

Anyway?

Yeah

 

Don’t roll your eyes, complaining

Life is hard, and your straining

But you’re privileged, daddy’s paying

Know what it’s worth, education?

Don’t make a fuss, just sayin

You don’t deserve to whine, I’m not playing!

Every time you’re wrong

You give me a reason to write this song

No wonder, you’re so fake

Every time, you need a break

From being criticized

Instead being told lies

And played for fools

You just believe whatever you hear

You always do what the world wants you to!

You’re a pawn yeah

In a game

Might get rewarded

With fame

But your name

Is not a name

That isn’t without shame

Yeah

Yeah it’s not without shame

If you’re just a part of the game

Yeah

 

CHORUS

It takes my breath away

The things that you never say

The chances you’ll never take

But who am I to talk anyway?

Yeah

Anyway?

Yeah

 

So step up to the plate

You wanna be mediocre?  Or you wanna be great?

Yeah, you wanna be great?

Then listen, my advice

You take this, your life

Quit rolling your eyes and flipping your hair

And shrugging your shoulders like you don’t even care

Yeah, I see you

You think the world, it needs you

Well sorry, I don’t believe you

Your arrogance, that should leave you

You think smart and you talk loud

You’re gonna make daddy so proud

But don’t be living for the crowd

No

Immaturity isn’t allowed

If you wanna grow up

And live free

And be the person you’re meant to be

And change the world for the better

Right down to the last letter

And I’m telling you this

Not to be a lie

You wanna be real?  Give it a try

It’s now or never

Do or die!

Even when you start to cry

It’s better not to be dead: alive!

Ashes will remain

When you finally burn out the pride

But it’ll be worth the pain

If you don’t, then you’ll only ever feign

What could be more

What could be true

And if you don’t

you’ll be the one to blame

Yeah, the one to blame

 

CHORUS

It takes my breath away

The things that you never say

The chances you’ll never take

But who am I to talk anyway?

Yeah

Anyway?

Yeah

Never Gonna Leave

To all my followers…

NF

So I say that I’m an author

Gonna get big name, you know I’mma big talker

That’s what I say and y’all believe me

When I give you all receive me

And when I’m in the zone

You know I never feel alone

Cuz I know y’all are listening

I can’t complain cuz y’all are listening

But

Try to understand me now

If you know what I’m talking bout

Then you better just come out

See

Writing isn’t the core of my life

If it was I’d never stop

But I do, and the truth is, sometimes I stop a lot

You know I act like I need this

Like it’s who I am

Like it’s God’s plan

Meant to be writer

Always writin’

Going harder

Than anybody else

Gonna find myself

When I sit down at that laptop

I’m not gonna stop

No I’m not gonna stop

But I did

What?

Yeah sometimes I stop a lot

So…

 

CHORUS

I’m making my life only about one

There is no place for myself

I’m not gonna be nobody else

Then who I am called to be

A man for God, yeah,

And a man for my baby

She’s got me entirely

So

No question about it, I’m never gonna leave

Yeah, never gonna leave

 

VERSE 2

See I’ve found something better

Something to release me from the iron

And the fetters

Of my mind, wasting my time

Dreaming big dreams

In a world that seems

Perfect

But it’s not, it’s not even worth it

Cuz I’ve got my own life

And it doesn’t seem right

To spend my time in a world that isn’t real all right?

Now give me this

Hold on, just listen to this

I know sometimes I miss it

But sometimes I really gotta diss it

Cuz reality is calling

And I can’t waste time falling

Into my thoughts

Into my own world

I got a real one that needs me

Believe me

I wanna escape from time to time

But the truth is, my time isn’t mine

It’s Yours God, and it’s yours baby

And I’m tempted to turn my back on you

For sure,

maybe,

But I can’t

lately

Cuz you’re on my mind

daily

You know that I’m crazy

Already

About you

baby

So listen world, listen fans

If you got a problem with this,

Leave the stands

Cuz I’m gonna live my life

In a way I think is right

 

CHORUS

I’m making my life only about one

There is no place for myself

I’m not gonna be nobody else

Then who I am called to be

A man for God, yeah,

And a man for my baby

She’s got me entirely

No question about it, I’m never gonna leave

Yeah, never gonna leave

 

VERSE 3

I’ve already got a world to live in

And I’ve already got someone who is my world

She’s worth all my time and I’m not quittin

That’s why I’m taking time to write these words

She’s the one I’m living for

Don’t think I won’t stop writing

Turn my back and shut the door

For her

Don’t believe me?

Fine but you won’t see me

Go ahead.  Disagree.

Tell me that I need

Writing, and Elithius

But I tell you I’m not regrettin’ this

Sometimes you find something better

Than your own imagination

And this isn’t speculation

I’m talking bout a real relation

With a girl that is my world

No she really is my world

And it’s not that I don’t enjoy blogging

But I leave the keyboard and I start jogging

Thinking bout life, thinking bout who I am

Is this writing thing God’s plan?

Or is just a scam

That I created, for myself

Am I trying to be somebody else

Than who I’m made to be

Cuz maybe

Who I am is being a man for my baby

And even if I’m a writer at heart

You know, I gotta start

With those that really need me

No all I care about is that she

Knows…that I love her

Knows I’m always gonna be there for her

No matter what happens, she always comes first

Cuz she is the first

And she’s the only

Person I’ve given my heart to

No other passion will control me

That’s why I’d give writing up the second she comes calling

And I know you probably think I’m being extreme

But try to understand what I mean

I can’t always have both, so I gotta choose one

It’s either myself and my own world,

Or the one for whom I’d take a gun

And blow my ego to bits

And fight for her instead of me

I pray to God that we go on

Don’t know if it’ll happen

But stay tuned and I guess we’ll see

I guess we’ll see…

 

CHORUS

I’m making my life only about one

There is no place for myself

I’m not gonna be nobody else

Then who I am called to be

A man for God, yeah,

And a man for my baby

She’s got me entirely

No question about it, I’m never gonna leave

Yeah, never gonna leave


(Note: the picture is of the rapper NF, not me)

 

 

The Darkness Within is Now Live!!!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is correct!  As promised, the second book in my fantasy series, Elithius, has been published, and is currently available for only $0.99 TODAY ONLY.  The same goes for the first book in my series.  That’s only $1.98 for two full sized novels.  Don’t miss out on this opportunity!

And did I mention that it’s my birthday???

In case you didn’t know, what’s Elithius about?

elithius-cover-official

Cover art by Elizabeth M

Here’s the back-cover blurb for the first book:

His parents abandon him when he’s thirteen. He’s left to care for his little brother and sister. Life is tough. Things can’t seem to get any worse.

But then Evil Itself breaks down the door. It kidnaps his siblings. And It leaves him bleeding out on the floor of his own home.

The Golden Lands, one of the Three Worlds of Elithius, is supposed to be a place of light, peace and happiness. But the Golden Lands hasn’t been such a place for John Hedekira, a jaded, hot-headed sixteen-year-old. Joined by his friends Faith Pinck and Bernard Tanner, John must rescue his brother and sister from their captors…before his siblings can be sacrificed to the ominous God of Death.

Front Cover Elithius 2

Cover art by Elizabeth M

And here’s the back cover blurb for the second book!

John Hedekira and his friends must venture into the Gray Lands in order to rescue John’s sister, Cassie. Upon entering the Gray Lands, they make new friends…and new enemies. Before they know it, they are thrown into the middle of a raging war, in which loyalties and friendships will be tested, darker and more heinous powers will challenge them…and souls will be ripped apart.

The adventures of John and his friends have only begun.


Once again, that’s both my books for only $1.98 TODAY ONLY!  Don’t miss out!

As always, I’d like to thank all of you for your continued support.  It’s been a long journey writing two books, and I’ve been so blessed to share this with you.  I truly believe that you’re all wonderful people and it’s been a pleasure getting to know all of you and experience the blogosphere with each of you.  To many more years, I hope!

-Dom

Tomorrow

Tomorrow’s the big day.  The day when I publish the second book of my series, Elithius.  I know that recently I’ve done a pretty poor job of advertising my series, because life has been very crazy.  That’s on me.

Either way, I hope at least some of you are excited about this!

Tomorrow only, both books in Elithius will be $0.99.  After that, I’m gonna bump them up to $2.99.

Don’t miss out!!!

By the way, thanks to everyone who expressed concern after my last post.  Your support means a lot…you have no idea!

So, since I’m publishing my second book tomorrow, you should know what it’s about!  Here’s an overview 🙂

Front Cover Elithius 2

Name: Elithius, Book Two: The Darkness Within

Genre: Fantasy/Dark/Supernatural/Romance/Anime

Length: 385 pages

Description:

John Hedekira and his friends must venture into the Gray Lands in order to rescue John’s sister, Cassie.  Upon entering the Gray Lands, they make new friends…and new enemies.  Before they know it, they are thrown into the middle of a raging war, in which loyalties and friendships will be tested, darker and more heinous powers will challenge them…and souls will be ripped apart.

The adventures of John and his friends have only begun.


Hope you guys are excited, and thank you for your continued support!  You can find my first book here if you’re interested!

-Dom