Tag Archives: death

why

when did you become so sudden,

death?

why

do

you rear your head

bursting out of the

darkness,

unexpectedly

like a

monster?

i thought you were supposed to be

my sister.

A gentle

guide

leading me to eternal

life.

But then

my

sister

and you

aren’t so

different

anymore,

are you?

I guess

in the end

you were my

sister

and hers.

For JK

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Elithius: An Excerpt from the Revised Edition

So it’s been 9 months and the revised edition of my book is finally finished!  The characters have different names that suit their culture, every culture is more defined and developed, and the plot (hopefully!) flows a lot better.  I’m excited to share this with you!  Here’s a sneak peek at what you can expect.  Let me know what you think!


elithius-banner

PROTAGONIST: FEAR HEDEKIRA (THE MAIN CHARACTER)

Begin excerpt

“It’s Fear, right?” the Knight speaks.

I hesitate, squinting.  “Uh-huh.”

“Do you know where you are?”

My mouth opens.  I can see—through the ever-moving torrent of rain—my house behind him.  But I bow my head.  No…it just doesn’t make sense.

“You’re dead, Fear.”

I wince at the words, keeping my head bowed and closing my eyes.

“You know this.”

Tucking my chin to avoid as much water as possible, I open my mouth, breathing deeply.  Dammit.  I have no response…because I know he’s right.  Dead…I’m…dead.  I just can’t believe—

An image of Aislin stumbling away from me in the cave, her blood spurting, flashes in my mind.  Then an image of Arik, roaring at me.  The feeling of the arrow ramming into my back.  Being alone in the forest, feeling cold, losing feeling in my body.  The darkness suffusing my vision.  It all comes back to me.

A harsh, burning sensation fills my chest…my heart aches, so depressed, so full of regret, so lonely…

“I’m here to make a deal with you.”

I grunt, raising my head and opening my eyes.  I regard the figure before me, fully attentive.

“You can call me Alitheo.  I can rescue you from here and give you a second chance at life…but you need to promise me something.”

I swallow, staring harder at the Knight.  Alitheo?  What does that mean?  Finding my tongue, I blurt, “Okay!”

A second chance at life.  Can he really do that?  Can anyone really give me that?  I’m certain I’ve never met this person before.  I have no reason to trust him.  But, at this point, nothing else really matters to me.  I have nothing to lose.  I’ll give him anything he wants!

Nodding, Alitheo seems satisfied.  His voice once again comes to me from the shadow beneath his hood: “I need you to give me, when I ask for it, your heart.”

The sound of the rain beating against the ground, splashing against puddles, pervades the air.

I frown.  “My heart?  What do you—?”

“In every way you can think of.”

I exhale, staring into the darkness beneath the hood.  Does he mean literally?  Like cut it out and give it to him?  Or does he want me to fall in love with him?  I don’t get it.

“When the time comes, I’ll show you how.  Do you promise?”

Lowering my gaze, I shift, scratching my head and wiping off several rivulets of rainwater that were headed for my eyes.  I really don’t even understand what I’m promising.  My eyes rise to the figure before me.  But…does it really matter?  Am I going to turn him down just because of uncertainty?  “I’ll be alive again?” I ask.  “In the same place where I died?”

“In the forest, midway between Sunnan and Noroan, less than a league from the cave where you left your friends.”

I grunt, deciding not to question how he knows all of this.  What…are you?

“Do you promise?” he asks.

Swallowing, I look over my shoulder, back to where the glorious, wonderful version of myself had been standing.  Then my eyes fall once again to the puddle.  An image of what I saw fills my mind.

I look back at Alitheo, my face tight and brow narrowed.  “I promise.”

The Adult Life

stressed out anime character

We’re all just unhappy zombies.  Not even just zombies.  Unhappy ones.

We wake up.  We shower (hopefully).  We make our coffee.  We go to work.

Life becomes an endless stream of going from one place to the next, of trying to save time, while understanding that we never had any in the first place.  We spend so much time trying to get time, so that we can waste time in the way we want to.

Each passing day is a blur.  Drive to work.  Spend time serving people we don’t really even know.  Putting on faces that are appropriate, but not real.  We aren’t allowed show people who we really are.  Half the truth is, we don’t even know who we are ourselves.

We spend countless hours trying to be happy, forgetting that, in our search for happiness, we never actually can attain it.  At least not in the way we’ve been trying.  Searching never made anyone happy.  Only finding.  Or better yet, accepting.

Money.  Everybody needs it.  Everybody wants it.  It’s the one thing we try to get above so that we aren’t a slave to it, but it ends up enslaving us anyway.  We try to break free of our chains by fastening them to our wrists.  At least if it’s a choice to be slaves, we can say we were free enough to make such a decision.  We say, “I don’t wanna let money control my life, so I better spend all my time trying to get it.”  Hah.  No wonder life makes no sense.

Pain.  We hate it.  We’ll choose the most difficult route if it doesn’t involve pain.  We’ll sacrifice things for pleasure, even though sacrifice is supposed to involve pain.  We pretend like we’re tough, but the moment the pleasure stops, the moment we get uncomfortable, we’re no better than infants.  Life becomes unacceptable.  Life becomes unfair.  Sometimes, we think it isn’t even worth it.

I’m going through all this now as an adult.  First thing I’m realizing is that being an adult sucks.  Every child thinks about the freedom they’ll have as an adult.  You can’t be controlled by other adults.  You won’t have to ask for permission.  You’ll be carefree, your own boss.

Lies.  Kids are more free than we are.  The older you get, the stronger the chains become.  Welcome to adulthood.

“Everything can be set right, except death.  And death sets everything right.”

-St. Josemaria Escriva

Take up the pen

Related image

The writer sits down.  The sun is still shining, because it needs to be.  The earth is still watching, because it knows no other action.  The people of the world bustle about, here and there, because it is their nature.  Wars, famines, tragedies; weddings, baptisms, quiet, peaceful deaths–all these sweep across the land, day in, day out, because that is life.

And the writer takes up his pen, understanding that all of these hover in the balance.  He sees the setting sun, feels the earth watching, listens to the people, experiences the wars, the famines, the tragedies, the weddings, the baptisms, and the quiet, peaceful deaths–understanding that he is they, and they are he.

The writer takes up his pen.  And he writes.  The world will never be the same way again.