Keep the fan going cause it’s quiet
Wear my hoodie even though it’s hot
I was told to write songs so I’ve tried it
Anxiety’s ruthless so I’ll give it a shot
I’m punching at the keys and scratching with a pen
So fast so furious, trying to defend
Myself, and the world from my emotions
Sick of playing the game and going through the motions
Don’t know if I can conquer my depression
It’s hard to conquer when it’s really my obsession
Now I know a thing or two about repression
Don’t try to force this on me though, believe me I’ve learned my lesson
Now I’m trying to make sense and come back strong
That’s why I’m sitting here and writing this song
Supposed to be studying, yeah but I wouldn’t call this slacking
If I don’t do this, some part of me’s gonna be lacking
Forget focus, forget good use of my time
I’m sitting here trying to think of how to rhyme
Yeah I’m rhyming away my problems just to get something out
This writing is internal screaming, external would be a shout
Run my hands through my hair so much I’m looking kinda crazy
Shaking my head, drumming my legs, my thoughts are kinda hazy
I’m trying to do what I should, don’t write me off as lazy
But I didn’t ask for these thoughts to invade my mind and haze me
You see that’s really what it is, it’s a form of abuse
The kind that comes from within, the kind I can’t refute
Because I live with this abuse, and though I hate it, it’s the norm
You wouldn’t recognize it even though it takes different forms
And though this pain is really haunting I think I get by okay
I keep my cool and fold my hands and pray my thoughts away
And when I’m down you know that my baby is there
Baby I can’t tell you how much it means to know that you care
And so I’m fighting this all with all the strength I got
Heaven’s through the narrow gate but hell is awfully hot
And you know me and heat don’t mix well, you know I’m bound to blush
But I also got this inner fire, keep it secret so hush hush
But I can’t deny that it comes out every once and a while
That’s why I’m sitting here writing away, rap-style
And you better feel honored to be hearing my thoughts
Don’t come to close though, you know it’s gonna get hot
Just tell me, who do you think that I am?
I’m just trying to please y’all, trying to be a man
Now I know that you think that there’s something wrong inside
You’re always treating me as if I’m trying to hide
Some sorta evil, yeah, something ill-intentioned
You act like I’m a monster, and I’m just good at retention
Foaming at the mouth, lust running through my brain
You think I’m all about sex, and I only cause the world pain
Every time I look at women it’s only for the sake of use
My nature isn’t to love, yeah, it’s only to abuse
Now I didn’t decide all these things, you decided them for me
This is YOUR concept of manhood, the real one’ll be gone shortly
So tell me, how you think anyone can be a man
When all you do is sit around and mess with Divinity’s plans?
I got enough to deal with, my own flaws beating me down
Now you come along with your vision and kick me to the ground
Thanks for killing chivalry, thanks for killing what could be
The more you stomp on manhood’s throat, the less I can be me
It’s already hard enough to live with purpose,
I fight through life hoping that it’s worth it
I’m fighting for God, fighting for me,
Fighting for Elia, (my wonderful girl, my baby)
But the battle isn’t always easy with anxiety clawing at my face
Life is full of drama, here we go, now begins the race
Pick up your feet and run, yeah, and try to survive
I thought college was supposed to be fun; it feels like I came here to die
Maybe that’s what I should do, cause after all I’m a MAN
And men are worthless creatures, they don’t fit in God’s plan
Manhood isn’t allowed, it’s replaced with “equality”
And so on top of my depression, I’m forced with receptivity
Of all this trash that gets shoved down my throat
You keep pushing this stuff down, Imma keel over and choke
Gotta watch my mouth as if the media were watching
Everything I say will be used against me; quit stalking!
But I can’t even speak up for myself, cause apparently I don’t deserve to
You take a knife of bigotry and run me right through
So now I’m bleeding out, and depression makes it flow even stronger
You want me to think life isn’t worth living? Well, try harder
Just tell me, who do you think that I am?
I’m just trying to please y’all, trying to be a man
Now I know that you think that there’s something wrong inside
You’re always treating me as if I’m trying to hide
Some sorta evil, yeah, something ill-intentioned
You act like I’m a monster, and I’m just good at retention
Foaming at the mouth, lust running through my brain
You think I’m all about sex, and I only cause the world pain
Every time I look at women it’s only for the sake of use
My nature isn’t to love, yeah, it’s only to abuse
Now I didn’t decide all these things, you decided them for me
This is YOUR concept of manhood, the real one’ll be gone shortly
So tell me, how you think anyone can be a man
When all you do is sit around and mess with Divinity’s plans?
I’ve got drive now you see, and I’m dropping bars so heavy
You’ve got me all mad now, better get ready
You see baby and anger make a unique passion
I’m a bad-boy lover, and I like the new fashion
Heaven burns in her eyes, filling me with fire and light
I take her hand and lift her chin, I’m ready to fight
The more you threaten my manhood, the more you threaten her
And that’s not okay with me, it’s something I won’t stand for
Because the more you destroy manhood, the more you destroy the world
And I won’t stand for that; not-aw, cause of her
And depression can take a walk, yeah, you’re getting in the way
I’m gonna love her so much, I’m always gonna stay
By her side, all right? Not gonna play nice
She is the fire in my blood, her and grace will suffice
These are all that I need to focus and use this angst for good
Not gonna listen to you, world, you don’t know what I should
Do with my life, or who I should be
You talk pretty loud, it’s really discouraging
But I’ll cover my ears, yeah, I’ll rip my ears off
Rip out the voices of my mind and the world, gonna make em stop
I feel so judged, but I’ll take it and be proud
You haters can talk, I kinda like it loud
Imma stand up strong, now that I’ve found my drive
And I’ll look in Elia’s eyes, and remember why I’m alive
God, thank you for Elia, and for Your grace too
I can’t even wonder what I’d do without You
Keep me going, all right? Don’t let me or them get me
Keep me alive, if only for my baby
Cause I need You, and I need her
Don’t ever let me forget what I’m living for
Yeah