What’s Wrong With My Story?

I think most people are used to seeing fellow bloggers talk about how great their stories are.  We’re all trying to sell ourselves (and our books).  It’s part of business; it’s part of being a self-published author.  And many self-published authors take to blogging, like yours truly.  And we use blogging to talk ourselves up.

But today, I’m going to layout what’s wrong with my series, The Golden Lands.  

Maybe I should cut myself some slack because I’m only in high school; but at the same time, that doesn’t matter to me.  don’t really care about how old I am, or how my age effects my writing.  No matter your age, your writing and plot-structure can and will most likely have flaws!

So, what are mine?


First, let’s really take a brief look at the setting and plot of The Golden Lands, especially for those of you that aren’t familiar with the story.

We’ve got sixteen year-old John Hedekira, looking after his siblings after their parents randomly disappeared.  They live in a world of harmonious anarchy; there are no formal states of government.  However, there are also these things that run around and kill people, formally called Malam, but informally called Evil.

Yes, things are bizarrely simple in The Golden Lands.

I’m not sure as to whether I should consider the super-simplicity a flaw.  I made things weirdly simple for exactly that reason; to be weird.  For example, John’s brother is named Frater, and his sister is named Soror.

Know any Latin? Soror et Frater=sister and brother!

Malam (the race of evil bad dudes)=Evil

Virus (the race of men, pronounced veerus)=man

Femina (the race of women)=woman

Okay, so maybe some people might think this simplicity is lame, and I can see where you’re coming from.  So, my first flaw could be considered to be a lack of creativity in regards to names.


A “lonely” plot for the beginning of a story?

The plot that begins in Volume 1 and continues up until Volume 4 is this:

John’s home is attacked by a band of Evil (the race of evil bad dudes).  They leave him bleeding out in his home, and kidnap Soror and Frater.  John survives the attack, however, and is determined to get revenge and rescue Soror and Frater…but mostly get revenge.  He had a falling out with Soror and Frater right before the Evil invaded…so it’s mostly about revenge.

John Hedekira bleeding out in his home.

So, what’s wrong with this plot?  All of this happens in the first chapter.  Sounds fast-paced and exciting, right?  Well, hopefully it is!

The issue is that some might consider this to be a “lonely” plot.  John doesn’t have very much character interaction until Chapter 5.  So, in spite of the fact that the plot is very fast paced (the first book is only about 80 pages long, so the plot has to be), it can feel a little sluggish and “lonely”.  What’s more, John is rather aloof and grumpy for most of Volume 1, so even when he does start making friends, the character interactions still aren’t as satisfying as you might want them to be.

Overall, I’d say another issue that people have with Volume 1 is it’s “lonely plot”.

Unrealistic “anime-feel”

Edward silly face

This was entirely intentional.  If you look at my blog, all of the pictures/covers are drawn as if they were anime.  That’s the way it is supposed to be.  The Golden Lands is a fantasy/anime series.  That being said, I think anyone can enjoy the story, whether you appreciate anime or not.  You just need to understand that, in anime, there are certain restrictions that anime characters are NOT bound by.

For instance, John becomes a really good swordsman very quickly.  He gets his butt kicked twice in the first half of Volume 1, and then he becomes a boss by the end.  Okay, so he’s a fast learner?  Not so much.  It has more to do with his anger.  He fights better when he’s angry (and there IS a reason for that).  But still, it’s a minor plot hole.

There are other things that might confuse people however, relating to anime.  For instance, anime characters can lose loads of blood and keep on fighting, or at least survive.  This definitely relates to how John is able to chase after the bad guys that stole Soror and Frater only a day after he nearly bleeds to death.

Also, random silly things happen all the time.  For seemingly no reason at all, anime characters can have their heads blow up when they’re angry, and the next moment their head will be attached and everything is perfectly fine.  I think you get the idea…random things happen, and you just need to accept that that is a part of anime!

Those are the main issues with Volume 1.  Overall, the book has received good reviews.  But I must admit my mistakes and encourage you to understand my flaws.  I also beg your pardon for them.  I do my best as a writer to create stories that you will all love…and I really hope that you do love them!  What more could a writer ask for?

Stay awesome!

Dominic (Aul)

Like me as a blogger? Like the way I write?
Believe me, my books are way better than this post. If you really want to see the best I can do, check out my fantasy/anime series “The Golden Lands”. The first volume is free as an eBook, or you can just read it in the form of “episodes” right here on my blog! Go to my page Embark on the Journey: Volume 1 Episodes for a complete list of episodes. I also post episodes every week, so look for them if you really want to experience the best I’ve got!


17 thoughts on “What’s Wrong With My Story?”

  1. it’s important to analyze yourself and your stories as a writer. it helps you grow and you’ve got a good perspective.
    also: love that virus=man. couldn’t be more appropriate :p

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I agree!
      And yeah isn’t that interesting? The latin word for man is where we get words like “virile” and “virtue” too! It’s pronounced “veerus” though, not like the English “virus”. I’m not trying to imply that the race of men is a virus. I was just trying to keep things simple, so I used the latin word for “man”.


  2. Great post Aul! The Golden Lands seem to be growing at a quicker pace every time I check. Your growth as a writer is also very impressive. Writing a great post may be a common goal, but the ability to analyze and learn from your own writing is definitely what I strive for.

    Thanks for the good read. Love your usage of Latin when it comes to naming (I use the same style to a degree!) places and people in your story. Very clever. Good luck on your future chapters!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. The encouragement really means a lot to me. In spite of how my blog might seem prosperous and vibrant–praise God–finding motivation can be very hard, so your words mean a lot.
      And yeah, Latin is great for names! Thank you! Good luck to you also!


  3. I haven’t read The Golden Lands yet, but I can tell it will be a good story it seems to me that these since these so-called “flaws” are not really that bad after all. 🙂 While it’s simple, using Latin for the names was still a creative choice. I probably wouldn’t have thought of that. I’ve been getting into anime recently as well, and lots of them have great storytelling techniques while stretching reality just a little. Seems like a cool tradition to follow. Great writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! You should definitely check it out if you get the chance. I’m surprised, but thankful, that everyone has been so encouraging. Thanks so much for helping to renew my determination!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. for anyone that has a rudimentary knowledge of latin the names are all spot on! I don’t think of that as a flaw, I thought it was brilliant. Also the lack of conflict in the first part is not a bad thing. it gives time for the reader to come to a basic understanding of the world and the person inhabiting it. I think what you see as ‘flaws” really are not, simplistic isn’t simple or flawed……it is sometimes the very best way to go. So far as “anime”..I think cartoon when I see the word. The illustrations may be cartoonish to me but that is the type of reading materiel that young people reach for first, so how could that be a bad thing?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well thank you! Yeah, maybe I’m just being a little hard on myself. Thank you for being so encouraging. It means a lot to me…we writers need some encouragement from time to time!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I saw your post on your blog for the very first time, and I say that you have all of the most wonderful qualities of being a blogger, and a whole lot more! I hope that you have the very best of luck with it, and please be sure to check out mine when you get a chance! With ❤-JW

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I haven’t read your book the golden lands and neither can I claim to be a good critic since I’m just a beginner in writing myself. But from what I read above I liked the sound of the book a lot and the point you raised about character names – I think being simple is ok… in the complicated world we live in, it’s hard to find simple these days! :)..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Okay! Thanks for saying so. That makes me feel a lot more confident about my story. You should definitely check it out if you get the chance!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. A good author can look at their best work and find every error possible. I find that is an amazing skill to critique your ownself and still be proud of the work you do, as you should, because no matter the hidden meanings of names or rushed up plot line, it still makes for an amazing story at the end of the day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. It means a lot to hear you say that. I’m trying to be the best I can be, but I can’t help but realize my own mistakes. Thanks for the encouragement though; it helps me to move forward.

      Liked by 1 person

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